I Won't Forgive You, But I Miss You
by Wiccacow
Summary: Tousen feels bad about leaving Soul Society, and comes back to visit Komamura, though his visit may not be very welcome. Implied KomaTou
1. The Way Things Were

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach or any of its characters.

**Warning:** May contain hints of yaoi and spoilers.

It hadn't meant to be a special night. Such an event had not been planned. But sometimes fate liked to stray away from plans and do something impulsive and spontaneous. Sometimes fate just wanted to wing it.

The breeze was just shallow enough to be perfect, the darkness overhead only making the surroundings more beautiful, the moon spreading its glow gently over the grass, moistened by a brief rain shower about an hour before. With only a few trees to provide a few faint shadows, two pairs of feet walked along the slightly winding path, the dirt crunching in a muffled way as the two men walked, one of them of average height, the other much, much larger. They did not think the sight of them odd. Well, it made sense for the shorter one not to think so, for his sightless white eyes prevented him from certain thoughts such as that one.

Nevertheless they walked, making casual small talk that eventually ebbed away. Usually when they took walks together, they would brush upon one serious or philosophic matter at least. But this time, they walked in silence. It was not an awkward silence or anything of the like; they had just run out of things to talk about for the time being. They had talked about so many things, after all. What topics were there left to cover? It wasn't as if their lives were particularly exciting. Soul Society wasn't eventful; all you were doing was trying to survive, really. But the life of a shinigami… now that would be quite eventful. At least, that's how Tousen saw it. Well, envisioned it. Blind men couldn't see, after all. Komamura was in the process of becoming a shinigami. He was almost there, but they had decided not to talk about it. Komamura wanted to enjoy his last days before joining the black-clothed ones.

But there was something else to talk about. However, Tousen had never dared to bring it up. He never had the guts. Komamura had always struck him as odd, for when he moved, it sounded different. He also _smelled_ different. Not to mention the enormous difference in height. He wanted to know why. But it was not something he would ever bring up; he did not want to make his friend uncomfortable. Besides, it wasn't all that important.

Or was it? His friend had always wanted them to avoid crowds. He had claimed it was because he simply liked being in open spaces and got nervous in crowds, but that wasn't it. Whenever someone walked by, whether it be only one person or numerous, he could feel Komamura grow tense. There was no reason for him to, for every time they were in an open space. It wasn't like one temporary body was going to crowd him. And yet, he still grew antsy with any new presence that came along. It seemed odd that he would act relaxed around Tousen, and not when a simple stranger passed by. And yet, it wasn't always a stranger. Tousen could sense these things.

But he would not ask. He would not put his friend on the spot. At least, not yet, should Tousen decide that the reason should be brought to justice. Instead, the silence continued until the larger man decided to talk.

"I keep feeling like just my presence mocks you, for I can see and you cannot." Komamura admitted, causing Tousen to smile. They'd gone through this conversation before.

"You are not mocking me, Sajin." He reassured his friend, using his first name as he always did. "I can see in ways you can't. And when you're here, there's even more that I can see." Tousen smiled. In return, he could feel his friend smiling, but it wasn't strong. He wasn't convinced.

"But Tousen…" He began.

"Kaname." Tousen interrupted. He wanted his friend to use his first name instead of his last name. Sometimes Komamura did just that, but he had not quite broken the habit yet.

"Kaname…" He restarted, as if tasting the name. "I can't help it. You know I can't."

Tousen nodded once. "I know." He repeated, and the silence fell between them again. This time, however, it was a bit of an awkward silence, unlike the first time.

Not wanting this silence to live long, Tousen broke it. "Sajin… may I see your face?" He didn't know why he was daring to ask _now_, but he was.

Komamura stopped walking, Tousen in turn stopping too. He was quiet for a moment. Then, he spoke "I can't let you."

Interested, Tousen asked, "Why not?"

He heard Komamura gulp. "Because… I just can't."

"Do you think you are ugly?" Tousen questioned. If that was the case, Komamura should know by now that Tousen did not judge him. The man was his friend. He would never be repulsed by facial features.

"N-no, that's not it… I just…can't." Komamura continued, the nervousness evident in his voice.

Tousen reached out, searching a moment for Komamura's large, gloved hand, his fingers brushing against his wrist for comfort. "I won't say anything if you don't want me to."

Then it was quiet. Komamura was thinking about it. Finally, he relented. "A-alright…" He said quietly, the sound of rustling cloth reaching Tousen's ears as Komamura pulled something off of his head. He waited until the man grasped his hands, guiding them up to his face.

He was surprised at what he found. Well, not at first. As his fingers brushed over the fur, he thought that Komamura had an animal-skin collar of some sort on his robes. Then he thought that his friend was playing a trick on him, guiding his hands against the stuffed head of some animal. But both were absurd. Komamura had _removed_ something from his head, not put something on. And why in all of Soul Society would Komamura carry a stuffed head with him? It was at that point that Tousen felt the fur underneath his fingertips shift as the skin below them twitched.

His previous ideas were wrong.

This was actually Komamura's face.

Feeling the uneasiness emitting from his friend, he brushed his fingers along, feeling out a muzzle, brushing over the tiny whiskers and wet, cold dog nose. He brushed his fingers over Komamura's forehead and over his soft ears that made him want to rub them, but forced himself not to. When he was done, he removed his hands, a sincere smile on his face. "This was why you 'couldn't'?" He remarked, his face bright. He stepped closer to Komamura slowly, to warn him of what he was going to do as he wrapped his arms around Komamura's midsection in a hug. Komamura hesitated, but he put a hand on Tousen's back in a sort of return hug.

"You're handsome." Tousen remarked, smiling up at Komamura, who faltered a moment.

"Th-thanks…" It was obvious Komamura had been scared that Tousen would be repulsed by him, and not want to be his friend anymore. But Tousen was a true friend; he did not mind the fact that his friend was an anthromorphic canine. That had sparked some confidence in the man, but in the later years when Tousen became shinigami as well, Komamura still hid his face.

Tousen never forgot that night. That had probably been one of the most important nights of their friendship, if not _the_ most important. He hadn't forgotten it, and never would, even while he resided in Las Noches, living amongst the hollows while he had left his dear friend behind, regretting having done such a thing to him.

He missed him dearly.

Komamura never forgot that night either. For him, it _was_ the one and only important moment of their friendship. It had been the reason why they had grown so close. But now, they were so far apart, in distance and in friendship. Tousen had left. He had betrayed Soul Society. But most of all, he had betrayed Komamura. his supposed companion.

Yet, despite all his hate for Tousen for leaving him, he still missed his friend too.

**AN: **I probably would've submitted this sooner, but Wicca was silly and accidentally wrote the second chapter first xD This isn't really a chapter in itself, I suppose. Just a flashback, really. So it sorta is like the style of my last fanfiction in the whole it-happened-during-the-series bit. Sorta. x3

Read and review if you like, of course I have the second chapter done, but I probably won't post it up for a few days or maybe even a week.


	2. The Way Things Ended Up

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach or any of its characters, yadda yadda yadda. Now on with the story.

The lighting was rather dim, thanks to the room being lit by cheap lanterns, for expensive lanterns often spontaneously shattered during drinking parties such as this one. Parties could be quite hazardous to breakable furniture. But the lighting did not kill the mood. In fact, it was the perfect amount of lighting for the giant, furred, passed out figure on the equally giant couch, donning a captain's uniform. Every furnishing that was to be sat on, laid upon, clutched, and viewed was super-sized. That was why it seemed odd that the little table in the room should be regular sized, but it had been simply because there was not enough room for a bigger one. That, and its owner passed out on the couch rarely used it.

Currently, there were six other figures in the room, all of them in the furthest corner from the couch so as not to disturb the furred man's intoxicated slumber. Two of them were women, one of them quite professional looking, her hair done up nice and neat and glasses sitting squarely on her face. The other completely contrasted the first, her ginger hair loose as well as her outfit to incorporate her massive chest. The others were men, one bald, one wearing sunglasses, one with a '69' tattooed blatantly on his face, and the last wearing a straw hat and pink garments over his captain's outfit. The rest of them were lieutenants.

"Poor guy. I really hate having to help him do this to himself so often." The large-chested woman sighed, gesturing lazily in the general direction of the passed-out man, holding an almost-empty bottle of sake.

"If you don't like it, then you don't have to do it, Matsumoto-san." The other woman noted blankly, pushing her glassed up, hugging her clipboard to her chest, never allowing it out of her sight. She had not sipped a single alcoholic beverage yet. _Someone_ had to keep their senses working.

Matsumoto pouted, crossing her arms. "I can't help it! I don't like seeing him so depressed!"

"None of us do." The man with '69' tattooed on his face said quietly, swishing around the liquid at the bottom of his bottle, watching it.

The two women looked to the man, their faces expressing their worry. He looked up and noticed this, offering a weak smile. "Don't worry about me. You should be worrying about Komamura-taichou's state, not mine." He looked over to said man on the couch, watching his whiskers twitch slightly.

Matsumoto sighed. "But we _do_ worry about you. Everyone was affected when Gin, Aizen, and Tousen left-" The man flinched slightly at the mention of his former captain, "-But you, Kira, Momo, and Komamura-taichou were affected the most."

"She's right, Shuuhei." The man with sunglasses spoke up, catching all of their attention. "You may not have been affected as much as Komamura-taichou, but that doesn't mean we should overlook you."

"Nanao-chaaan~! Why don't you come sit with uuuuussss~?" The pink-wearing man whined, a drunken air about him. He leaned towards the hard-set woman, reaching to take her hand, but she simply stepped back, allowing him to fall sideways.

"Don't touch me." She growled in annoyance at his behavior. Such an irresponsible man… She looked to the rest of the group. "We should really think of something else to cheer Komamura-taichou whenever he gets this depressed. All these nights of drinking himself to the point until the point of passing out can't be good for him"

It was true. The fox-man had been trying to drink his sorrow away. It seemed to work, for when he was drunk, he seemed not to think of the depressing fact that his closest friend, Tousen, was absent. But it was only a short-term solution. He'd simply wake up the next day, depressed again. He'd stay depressed until it was nighttime again, and get drunk again. It was a never-ending, vicious cycle, and it was destroying him. But it was either his body or his emotions, and he had chosen to abuse his body. Less painful in his opinion.

"But what else _is_ there?" The bald man asked, leaning back on the wall, obviously not seeing how Komamura could cheer himself up without drinking himself silly. And that man consumed a _lot_ of alcohol, even for his size.

There was no reply from any of them. The fact was, they were just Komamura's drinking buddies. The only ones who were close to Komamura were…

Everyone looked to Iba, who stopped mid-sip. "Why are you all looking at me? Shuuhei knows Komamura-taichou well enough!" He said nervously, obviously reading their intentions. He didn't want to be the center of attention.

"But not as much as you, Iba-chaaan~" Matusmoto cooed, smiling warmly as to charm him into it. The other lieutenant had an embarrassed look on his face as all of them nodded.

"Erm, fine then. I don't know how much help it'll be though. Let's see… Komamura-taichou likes to take walks and watch the stars, but when he does so, he thinks a lot… and he used to do those things with Tousen-tai- ..I mean… Tousen." It was hard to break the habit of calling him '-taichou'.

A dead end. "Isn't there anything else? Anything that involves larger groups of people, maybe?" Nanao suggested, side-stepping her way out of Shunsui's reach as her captain tried to get her again.

Iba shoot his head. "No. He doesn't like big groups of people, since he's insecure."

Which was very true, since the fox captain had worn a basket-like helmet on his head for as long as any of them could remember, and had only stopped hiding himself when that helmet had been smashed.

That had been the day Tousen, Aizen, and Gin had betrayed Soul Society.

"Are you sure?" Nanao sounded desperate.

"I'm positive."

And with that, they dropped the subject. Perhaps they could brainstorm later again, perhaps introduce Komamura to something new. But for now, they needed a break from such a depressing matter. None of them liked to talk about it, especially since it reminded them of how hurt the gentle giant had been when his sightless friend had abandoned them. _Betrayed_ them. He'd been broken; he was not the same man as before. It pained them all to see him in such emotional turmoil on a day-to-day basis. It pained them to see him with a part of himself missing.

And it was all Tousen's fault. The former captain had played Komamura and then left. He'd played them all, but Komamura especially. If that bastard ever showed his face around Soul Society again, they'd get their own personal revenge for the pain he had inflicted their friends.

He would pay.

The cheery conversations commenced once more, having previously existed before Komamura had wound up with his head in the toilet. They talked of anything that came to mind; the weather, who the new captains would be, gossip, and all the like. Yet despite the upbeat conversations, their minds were still very downbeat. In these times now, it was hard to keep optimistic, and obviously most of them were failing at it. Positivity was much more difficult than being pessimistic, which gave Matsumoto an excuse, for she was lazy. Iba's excuse was that his captain was depressed. Shuuhei's was that his captain was gone. And Nanao was a real woman; she was sensitive to such matters. Shunsui was the only real optimistic one of the bunch, giving Ikkaku no excuse to be the only one without a reason to be so down.

As they all continued to talk (or, rather, arguing, since they just ran out of sake, and Iba and Ikkaku were about to fight to see who had to go get more), there was a light tapping at the door. Not wanting to disturb the heated conversation, Shuuhei decided to get up to answer it, considering he wasn't a part of the verbal communicating. He watched his feet as he walked. Tousen… why had he betrayed them all? Wasn't he a man of justice? Or had that all been an act…?

So you can imagine his surprise when he slid the door open. "T-Tousen-taichou!"

Everyone went silent and looked to the door.

You could _taste_ the tension.

**A/N:** Yeaaaah, I haven't even started writing the third part… lazy me? I think not. Forgetful me? Sounds more like my brain. XD Maybe I need to get someone to message me every three days to remind me… that'd be swell.


	3. The Way Things Happened

**Disclaimer: **Bleach I own not

All eyes were on the figures in the doorway. All eyes were focused on one of the faces most of them had now associated with betrayal. All eyes were on the former 9th Division captain.

Within moments, their blades were trained on the captain too. Excluding Shunsui, who watched with a grave expression from where he lay. Shuuhei was excluded as well, for his body had frozen up, overtaken by the shock. Chances were, even if he weren't in shock, he would not have had the strength in his heart to raise his sword against Tousen Kaname.

The blind man stood there, able to easily sense the blades pointed at him. He acted as if they were not there, both the blades and the people. He had his sightless gaze on Shuuhei for a few moments, before closing his eyes. He could feel the anger radiating off (most) of those who stood in front of him. He felt that some of it, if not most of it, came from the fact that he no longer donned the black robes of a shinigami, his attire instead replaced with the stark white of his Huenco Mundo uniform.

He was officially the enemy.

"What do you think you're doing, showing your face here, eh?" Ikkaku growled, sounding much like a thug. Almost as if Tousen had never been one of them.

The former captain did not reply, and instead remained standing there.

Which Matsumoto did not like. "Leave. _Now._"

The large-chested woman seemed very ready to back up her words, but she was stopped as she felt a new presence behind them. Looking over her shoulder, she froze as the man whom they had thought had been completely passed out loomed over the troupe, eyes trained on the man in the door. His eyes remained there, showing coldness, before he brought his gaze upon those in his path. Iba hastily moved out of the way, quickly followed by Matsumoto, Ikkaku, and Nanao, and slowly by Shuuhei. The anthromorphic canine then proceeded to ignore his drinking buddies, eyes once again on Tousen. No words were spoken for many excruciatingly long moments.

Komamura was the one to break the silence. "Tousen."

At this, the blind man opened his eyes, raising them to what he knew to be Komamura's face. "Sajin."

The larger man's nose seemed to twitch a bit as his first name was spoken. His expression told all; he did not consider Tousen a friend enough to use his first name anymore. "What are you doing here?" He growled.

He did not show it, but Tousen was hurt by the hostility in his old friend's voice. "I have come to visit you." He announced simply, as if it were nothing. As if nothing had happened.

But Komamura had not forgotten his treachery. "Get out." He ordered in a low growl.

Tousen did not move.

"GET _OUT_!" He yelled, very uncharacteristic of the gentle giant.

Stunned only for a moment, Tousen's face expressed sadness as he turned away, walking back into the night. Komamura watched after him for a bit, before snorting and retreating to his bed quarters. Even though Komamura was willing to just let Tousen go, Shuuhei obviously was not.

"Tousen-taichou!" The lieutenant called as he chased after his previous captain. Tousen stopped, allowing Shuuhei time to catch up and recapture his breath, before resuming a slow pace, not wanting to stay still, and wanting to be out of earshot of the other lieutenants who glared after them. Considering that they might become seriously hostile if he were out of site, however, he stopped after a while, raising his gaze with a sad smile to Hisagi as the other resumed speaking again, having his lungs at a normal rhythm again.

"Tousen-taichou, did you really come just to visit Komamura-taichou?" Shuuhei asked, his brows knitted together in a funny way. Not that Tousen could see, but he could feel the boy's distress.

The captain turned his gaze away. "I am not your taichou any longer."

"You're avoiding the question." Shuuhei pointed out.

Kaname smiled slightly. "That I am…"

Silence grew between them as Tousen looked to the sky. _I wonder what the stars look like…_ He thought distantly, recalling his strolls with Komamura. Those had been happy times. Tousen did not like the fact he had betrayed his dearest friend, but it could not have happened any other way. He had sworn his loyalty to Aizen before he had even met his friend.

After the silence continued, Shuuhei realized his former captain wasn't about to answer his question. "…Are you fond of Komamura-taichou?"

Tousen turned his head to Shuuhei, a confused expression passing his face for a moment before he smiled. "Well, of course I am; we have been friends for a long time…"

"You know I don't mean it like that."

Tousen could hear the solemness in Shuuhei's voice as well as the determination. His old lieutenant wasn't asking this lightly, and he planned to get an answer. But Tousen didn't want to answer. It hurt to think about it. He had almost been happy that he had been put in a situation where he needn't think about it; being away from Komamura meant he never had to confront his emotions. But here he was, cornered, though he could escape if he wanted to. But he didn't. After closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to exhale some of the tightness in his chest from the stress of the subject, he spoke.

"I do."

"Then why don't you stay? Komamura-taichou likes you too! I'm sure of it!"

Tousen frowned slightly. He could hear the desperation in the boy's voice. He wanted his old captain back. He wanted things back the way they were. "You know I can't do that."

"Why n-"

"Do not kid yourself, Hisagi." Tousen said firmly, which instantly silenced the younger man. He could feel the hurt radiating off of him.

After an allowed moment of silence, Tousen continued speaking. "You know I cannot do that. Even if I wanted to, I could not stay. I would be executed for treason." He paused a moment, contemplating on whether to continue with what he was saying or not. Then, with a sigh, he decided to continue, a sadness leaking into his tone. "I don't want Sajin to like me as I do for him. It will only cause him hurt. I would rather him hate me than subject him to that."

Shuuhei was speechless. After he got his bearings together, he frowned and bowed his head. "I understand…" He mumbled, as well as a very quiet 'forgive me'. Tousen acted like he did not hear this. Feeling like an abused puppy, Shuuhei turned away, intending to go back inside, but Tousen's voice stopped him.

"But I want you to give him something for me."

**A/N:** Terrible spot to end it, I know. Don't kill me Dx  
One more chapter after this! Probably won't be very long, but ah well. But I bring news! I founded my old fanfiction account : D Most of them at least two years old, and I cringe when I read them. I used to write comedy, meshing anime with game shows and the like. I'm not giving you my username for that one, because I don't want anyone reading those horrible fanfictions Dx Which I only have one from there that I'm proud of.  
Which is a Death Note one, which is actually one I intend to revive and continue here. :3

So look out for that~!

Oh, and if you spot any grammatical errors and whatnot, tell me~? 'cause I'm a perfectionist, but I miss stuff all the time, even when I re-read my stuff. It's because my right hand is more type-happy than the left and thus things get messed up :x


	4. The Way Things Are

**Disclaimer: **Own Bleach I do not.

Hours had passed since Tousen had showed up at his door. Excruciating hours in which sleep would not come to him. His friends had all but left, he was sure; he had shut himself up in his sleeping quarters, refusing to answer the door and pretending he was asleep whenever someone came and knocked on the wooden frame. Komamura wished he could sleep. He would give anything for sleep right now. Anything to distract him from the thoughts that refused to die.

Why had Tousen visited? He knew he wasn't welcome in Soul Society anymore; why had he expected to be welcomed into his home? Home… a very stale word on his tongue. Home was where the heart was, and his heart resided nowhere. His heart was confused, and that left him with no home to speak of. Tousen had returned… the previous captain wasn't stupid. He must've known how he'd react. Yet he'd come anyways. Why? Had he come just to remind Komamura of what he had lost? Had he come just to spite him? That did not sound like the Tousen he knew. Yet the Tousen he knew wouldn't have betrayed him. Any of them. Had he even known a Tousen at all? Or had it just been an act? Had he been played? Or was there something genuine in the memories he had of him? Did any of it matter to Tousen?

With each new question brought a new and fresh hurt. Had Tousen cared about him at all? He must have, if he'd come to see him… but what if he _had_ just come to spite him? Yet, even if he didn't know Tousen at all, that was something one would expect Gin to do. Perhaps even Aizen, with the impression he had cast on them all upon his leaving. But when Tousen had left… he had still spoken like he used to. Talked of justice. Tousen… he thought he was walking the path of justice. Was he? Or was he wrong about what he thought justice was? Or was Komamura and everyone wrong about what they thought justice was? Was Tousen walking the right path, and all of them going down the wrong path?

There were too many question, and nothing to answer them with. Perhaps he shouldn't have sent Tousen away. Perhaps he shouldn't have let his drunken rage think for him instead. He could've asked Tousen the questions that plagued him, and perhaps gotten some insight. He could've found out if their friendship had been true.

These thoughts were the result of his body sobering up with the time that passed. Through his window, the man could see the first pale beams of morning flicking through. It was dawn. He had stayed up all night, yet he still couldn't sleep. He was alone in his slowly brightening room filled with shadows, both of the physical world and of the mind. Shadows he could not shed light on, that he could never shed light on. There was only one person who could…

Komamura's thoughts were interrupted as he heard footsteps outside he door. He had not heard anyone enter the first room. Had he been too engrossed in his thoughts? He suddenly froze. Was this Tousen, coming back to talk to him? To spite him? To kill him? But none of these idea were true. Instead, he heard the voice of Shuuhei, quiet as the breeze. "Komamura-taichou… are you awake still?"

Still… he had been there the whole time. He had never left the room. That was why Komamura had not heard him enter. He had never left. _Why…?_ "May…may I enter?" Shuuhei asked quietly, the silence after hanging in the air.

And there the silence stayed, up until Shuuhei thought it would remain there. However, it was broken by the man within the chamber. "You may."

Komamura heard the door slide open ever so quietly, the lieutenant taking but two steps into the room. The silence began to grow once more, but Shuuhei cut off that bud. "Tousen-taichou left something for you."

Komamura did not react visibly. Tousen had left something for him already; a wounded heart. What else did he have to leave for him? He almost voiced that thought bitterly, but he remained silent. He heard Shuuhei place something by the door, before moving forward and leaning somewhere to the right of Komamura. "He cares, you know. About you. He came to talk to you. I tried to convince him to try again, but he wouldn't. He… cares more than you think. More than I probably can guess."

Komamura was definitely stirred by the other's words. His heart ached as he spoke. So Tousen had just come to talk… and he had turned him away. Stupid. Stupid. And… he cared? No. _Cares_. Present tense. So their friendship… had it been genuine? Despite his brain telling him otherwise, his heart was saying _yes_.

Shuuhei watched the captain, whom he could tell had reacted deeply to his words. No doubt he had some thinking to do. "I'll leave now." He moved to stand up, but Komamura had turned his head and spoken. "Has he left?"

Shuuhei paused, a sad expression on his face that the captain could not see. "He has."

The canine head stayed where it was for a few moment, before facing forward again. As he said nothing more, Shuuhei decided to take his leave.

Many minutes passed after he had left. Minutes Komamura spent not thinking, but feeling. He let his heart reflect on what he knew, what Shuuhei had just told him. The light outside his window grew brighter, the shadows in his room growing darker. Then he remembered; Tousen had left him something. Shuuhei had placed it by the door. The great hulk of a man, looked over his shoulder, to see a basket about the size of his hand sitting there. He watched it, waiting, as if it would come to life at any moment. He then got onto his knees, shuffling over towards the door. He kneeled in front of the basket, hesitating before hooking a finger under the broad lid, obviously designed for his large fingers.

As he pulled it off, he was surprised by what he found inside. Inside, the sleeping form of an animal lay there. A dog. A puppy, to be more specific. A dark chocolate lab. It was sleeping peacefully on a soft blanket in the wicker, its paws twitching as it probably dreamed of chasing squirrels. To an outsider, it might have seemed like a mocking gift, as Komamura was canine-like. However, it was not, for around its neck was something that would matter much to him; Tousen's old orange scarf. Komamura hadn't realized it before, but Tousen had been wearing a different one before. This was the one he'd always wear before…

The captain shook his head. He wasn't going to think about that right now. He scooped the puppy up into his hands, carrying it to the center of the room before sitting back down, placing the dog in his lap. The puppy's eyes slowly opened, yawning and stretching before seeming to notice Komamura. It barked happily, its whole behind wagging with its tail as it went on its back legs, trying to lick at his face but settling for the hand that went to pet him. Tousen had been correct in what to get Komamura, for there was a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. As the puppy bounded happily on his large lap, Komamura looked out the window, the light of the morning sun lacking most warmth, but providing a small amount of its heat and light. Just like receiving the gift had done for his thoughts and feelings. Tousen still cared. He still remembered the time they had shared. He didn't know why, he didn't know how, he didn't know when. The light shed was only little, but it helped ease some of the pain. Now he had a reason to get through this. He looked down at the puppy, smiling as he gently stroked him.

Now he had a reason to keep himself sober.

**A/N: **It's finally doooone!

Don't know how many people care, but I care, and that's enough. |D

Love KomaTous3 Though it's harder to come up with ideas for them that aren't AU. 'cause I don't like AU so much.

So yeah~ That's really all I have to say on it. :3


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